Why we can't stop comparing ourselves

Attention to your feeds.

Hi everyone,

Welcome back to our journey of learning to become The Attention Master.

If you wonder why you sometimes compare yourself to others, even if you don’t want to, then this episode is for you.

Here is what you will learn today:

  • Why your brain treats Instagram like a threat-detection system

  • The single biggest predictor of who becomes comparison-obsessed

  • The #1 intervention that beats digital detoxes

What if I told you that your brain is running a comparison program 24/7 - and social media just cranked it up to maximum volume?

Here's the thing: we've been treating social comparison like it's some modern problem caused by Instagram.

But the latest research tells a different story. Your brain has been doing this job for thousands of years, tracking who's on top, learning what's normal, choosing friends, and spotting dangers.

Social media didn't create the comparison machine - it just flooded it with rocket fuel.

Let’s dive in what’s actually happening:

Comparison - human nature

When your brain can't find clear ways to measure things (which is most of the time), it looks at what other people are doing instead.

Scientists using brain scans found that your brain's reward system - the same part that gets excited about food and money - lights up when it sees ranking signals, even when you're supposedly "at rest."

But here's the kicker: social platforms have turned this ancient system into a weapon.

Where you might see 10-15 people doing better than you in real life, endless feeds show you "perfect" people at 150% higher rates. Your old-fashioned brain is drowning in modern comparison overload.

The negative effects of comparison

The numbers are more exact than you might expect. Studies looking at 45 different research projects show that comparing yourself to people doing better drops self-esteem by a medium but meaningful amount (effect size of -0.41).

For context, that's like getting the same boost from regular exercise, just in reverse.

The pattern gets more interesting when you dig deeper.

Heavy users - those scrolling more than 4 hours daily - show nearly double the depression connection compared to casual users.

And here's something that surprised researchers: women compare themselves on looks more often, but when men do compare themselves, they get more upset about it. Different patterns, same bad results.

Your comparison fingerprint

Not everyone compares equally. The research reveals eight key factors that predict how comparison-prone you are, ranked by impact.

The biggest predictor? Low starting self-esteem mixed with high worry levels.

If you're already questioning your worth, you're basically walking into the comparison casino with house odds stacked against you.

Shaky attachment style ranks third - those "am I lovable?" questions from childhood show up in how closely you watch others' highlight reels.

Here's what's fascinating: genes set about 25% of your comparison tendency. That means 75% is learned behavior and environmental context - which means it's changeable.

What actually works (ranked by evidence)

I've looked at dozens of studies that tested different solutions, and the results might surprise you. The fancy stuff often doesn't work better than the simple stuff.

The clear winner?

Hard time limits. Sixty minutes per day max, enforced by app timers for three weeks. One randomized trial of 220 people showed 24% less depression, 19% less anxiety, and 55 more minutes of sleep per night.

The beauty is its simplicity - no meditation, no journaling prompts, just boundaries.

(I’d have a suggestion which app to chose to set these boundaries 😉)

Second place goes to feed curation. Remove appearance-focused accounts for just seven days. When researchers tested this with 175 women, body dissatisfaction dropped 33% and wellbeing jumped significantly. You're not eliminating social media; you're eliminating the specific triggers.

Third is mindful self-compassion training. Eight weeks of structured practice reduced comparison orientation and boosted self-esteem, with benefits lasting six months. This one takes more effort but creates deeper, lasting change.

BIG SURPRISE: The interventions that don't work as well are among the so called “productivity influencer’s” top tips:

  • Hardcore digital detoxes (benefits fade quickly).

  • Grayscale phone settings (minimal impact).

  • Most mindfulness apps (indirect effects at best).

The Cultural Plot Twist

Here's something that'll make you think differently about this whole issue: countries with higher comparison habits often show better focus and less distraction in classrooms. East Asian and Latin American students compare more strongly but also have stronger social rules that control when and how they use devices.

It's as if cultures that accept comparison as normal human behavior develop better group strategies for managing it. Meanwhile, cultures that pretend it doesn't exist (shoutout to American individualism) leave everyone to figure it out alone.

Recap:

  • Comparison is a default brain setting.

  • Low self-esteem is the core predictor for comparison.

  • Individual vulnerability is mostly psychological and environmental; genes set a baseline, but habits and context write the story.

  • Cultural context matters: collectivist cultures compare more but also enforce stronger offline norms that blunt distraction.

This knowledge comes at 0 cost
If you learned something, be generous
and share it with friends or family.

See ya next week
Stephan

ONE MORE WAY WE CAN HELP YOU

We know that mastering your attention is extremely difficult. It's not going to happen in a day. That's why we've created Lemio, an app designed to be your personal buddy on the journey.

Sources:

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