How to find your FOMO type

Hi everyone,

Welcome back to our journey of learning to become The Attention Master.

If you sometimes experience FOMO, then episode 29 is for you.

Here is what you will learn today:

• The different root causes of FOMO

• Why we all have FOMO

• How to deal with your FOMO type

What if FOMO is more than just one thing? That's the question I've been asking myself lately.

We all know the definition, the "fear of missing out".

And it sounds so obvious and self-explanatory that I am sure you (like me) have never asked yourself this question: Missing out on what exactly?

Fear of being left out?

The fear of not winning?

The fear of losing something?

When I couldn't find an immediate answer, I knew I had to dig deeper. Here's what I found:

How to recognize FOMO

Many people experience FOMO without putting a label on it. If any of these patterns resonate with you, you may be dealing with it:

• Constant checking: Feeling an almost irresistible urge to update social media or messaging apps because you're afraid you'll miss an update or invitation.

• Inability to enjoy the present: Even when busy or socializing, you worry that something better is happening elsewhere.

• Emotional reaction to others' posts: A surge of anxiety, envy, or sadness the moment you see friends at a gathering you're not attending.

• Overcommitment: Difficulty saying no to invitations or responsibilities for fear of missing something important.

• Regret: Ruminating about events you didn't attend or opportunities you missed.

Reasons for FOMO (and a test to identify yours)

FOMO usually results from a mix of psychological and social triggers:

• The need to belong: We are social creatures by nature. When relationships feel insecure, we can become hyper-alert to potential exclusion.

• Low self-esteem & anxiety: Insecure people or those with anxious attachment styles may be particularly prone to worry about not fitting in.

• Social comparison: Constantly seeing others' highlights on social media distorts perception. We overvalue their exciting moments and undervalue our own.

• Loss aversion: We're wired to fear loss more than we desire gain. Missing something can feel like a precious opportunity lost.

• Technology & notifications: Smartphones enable constant updates - nudging us to check if something important is happening.

Identifying your root cause can be done with the help of the “Dispositional Fear of Missing Out Susceptibility Scale”, developed by Neumann & Rhodes.

It's a set of 19 questions that will help you break down whether your FOMO is centered on:

• Social belonging

• Novelty-seeking

• Fear of regret

And how strong your FOMO actually is.

If you want to find out your FOMO type and severity, I recommend you try our GPT ;)

The rise of work FOMO

Have you ever

• checked your work email on the weekend or while on vacation?

• worried that not responding will be perceived as a lack of commitment?

• overcommitted to meetings, projects, or even taken on tasks from colleagues to avoid being overlooked for a promotion?

If so, you too are a victim of FOMO.

In the professional world, FOMO isn't the fear of missing your coworker delivering an unforgettable dance performance at the Christmas party.

Instead, it's about missing out on important information, opportunities, or connections that could affect your career, either positively or negatively, aka getting promoted or getting fired.

This can lead to burnout, stress, and an almost constant feeling that you should be "on".

In terms of measurement, researchers have begun assess factors such as perceived career risk, status anxiety, and compulsive checking.

Some good questions to start with:

1. Do you check work emails 24/7?

2. Do you cancel personal plans for fear of falling behind?

3. Are you working on things you shouldn't be?

Recognizing the pattern is your first step toward healthy boundaries.

Which brings me to today's actionable tips:

Actionable Steps - The RAIN framework

The acronym RAIN, first coined by Michele McDonald, is an easy-to-remember tool for practicing mindfulness. It consists of four steps:

1. Recognize what is going on

2. Allow the experience to be there, just as it is

3. Investigate with kindness

4. Nurture = not identifying with the experience.

Let me explain step by step what that means in the context of FOMO.

As a reader of this newsletter, chances are high that you are

1. too busy to recognize your FOMO.

2. too ambitious to accept it. Instead, you find a thousand good excuses for why you need to use your phone a lot.

3. too hard on yourself in order to investigate with kindness. Admitting this "bad behavior" to yourself is completely contrary to your values and your desired self.

So what can you do about it?

1. Recognize: Apps like Lemio show you how often you unlock distracting apps today. Transparency creates control. When you see a certain number, you know when it's too much.

2. Accept: The high achiever you are will only accept the number if you put aside all excuses. That's why you need an app that lets you set schedules. For example, from 9-5, Lemio should not trigger. From 5pm, email is as "bad" = "compulsive" as Instagram. There is no single rule that works all day. That's why schedules are better than daily limits.

3. Investigate: Use the test above to understand where your FOMO is coming from. Then make yourself aware of those causes when Lemio jumps in your face.

4. Nurture: You are not your thoughts and emotions. You are the response to them. You can't control the former. You can control the second. How are you going to react next time?

We all have FOMO. It’s human nature.

What separates the achiever from the slouch is how you deal with it.

Scrolling = giving in to your fear.

RAIN = facing your fear.

I'm sure you'll choose the right one ;)

Recap:

• FOMO is a core driver of unintented phone use.

• Core triggers: tech nudging, insecurity, fear of loss, and anxious attachement styles.

• There are various root causes for FOMO, typically centered around social belonging, novelty-seeking, or the fear of regret.

• Work FOMO continues to grow with the fear of job loss and status anxiety at its core.

• FOMO is just as prevalent among high-performers, what differs are the symptoms (Email and Slack overuse instead of Instagram).

• Practice RAIN against FOMO: Recognize - Accept - Investigate - Nurture.

Sources:

1. Przybylski, A.K. et al. (2013). Computers in Human Behavior; Wegmann, E. et al. (2017). Computers in Human Behavior.

2. Przybylski, A.K. et al. (2013). Computers in Human Behavior; Elhai, J.D. et al. (2018). Psychiatric Research.

3. Przybylski, A.K. et al. (2013). Computers in Human Behavior; Abel, J.P. et al. (2016). Journal of Behavioral Addictions.

4. Neumann, D., & Rhodes, N. (2022, August 25). Dispositional Fear of Missing Out Susceptibility: Development of a Trait-Scale. https://doi.org/10.31235/osf.io/xe3c4

5. https://www.mindful.org/tara-brach-rain-mindfulness-practice/

This knowledge comes at 0 cost
If you learned something, be generous
and share it with friends or family.

See ya next week
Stephan

ONE MORE WAY WE CAN HELP

We know that mastering your attention is extremely difficult. It's not going to happen in a day. That's why we've created Lemio, an app designed to be your personal buddy on the journey.